Somber. Silent. Solitude. Selah.

That about sums up my last two days. Well, the last two weeks, maybe.

I must confess that my heart has not been merry. It has felt blown and battered, shook and shattered. Full of anxiety, which is a root of fear (not to be mistaken for root beer). I knew it was time for me to slow myself down and wait on God.

I was reminded of the time Elijah was running from that awful Jezebel and hid in the mountains. Les preached on this a little bit last week. Elijah was intimidated, even after he just defeated the prophets of Baal. Such great powerful victory to be smashed suddenly with fear.

But God sought Elijah out and drew him out of the cave of despair:

I Kings 19: 11-12 Then he was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before God. God will pass by." A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

God has asked me to come out on the ledge of the mountain, out of the cave of despair, and He would speak to me. I'd love to say that I heard Him whisper, but I can't put my finger on anything specific. Yet I know that God used words I said to my husband to be his whisper from God.

Today...this morning, I took the time to really focus. I listened. I waited. I prayed. I wept. And then I moved on, trusting that if I stayed focused, I might hear His whisper. 

It's interesting to note that as a writer, I can see how certain emotions stirred in my life tend to be manifested in my writing. Last week I wrote an entry for the Faithwriters Writing Challenge. At the time, I didn't realize my heart was screaming out to me...to God. (It won an Editor's Choice award if you want to read it: Anesthesia)

I need to tell you,

But it seems too dumb.

Anesthesia makes everything numb.

A heart has senses,

Well at least maybe three.

It hears, it feels, and it can see.

More than an organ,

 That’s inside my chest,

But my whole being tucked in a nest.

Blind, dumb, and numb,

And still full of fear,

But please know, my heart now has ears.

I ended the entry with a short poem and now that I look at it, it is where Mari's Heart is at the moment. It is my prayer to the God that created me and my mixed bag of emotions.

So, I don't have a tidy, pretty bow to wrap up my blog thoughts. No solution. No A-ha moments. No shouts of glory and victory. I'm just gonna sit on my mountain ledge, feet swinging over the edge...and wait .

My heart is listening...